The Painful Truth
I’m hoping enough time has passed that I can tell this story without incriminating myself.
A few years ago, I inherited a beautifully built chicken coop and three very friendly hens from a friend in my network. This coop was small, just four feet by eight feet, but it was fully enclosed. The hens were raised by people who loved them, and they were used to free-ranging in their backyard in Portland. To get the chicken coop home, we had to disassemble it and load it onto a trailer. When we got home, we had the three hens join our existing flock until we could reassemble the coop.
Once the coop was prepped and ready for the hens, we moved them into their home. Compared to the space we had just moved them from, it seemed like such a small place for these hens to spend all of their waking time. However, I have two Labrador retrievers who are trained bird dogs. So I was hesitant to let these hens free range. But one Saturday afternoon, the urge to give them some extra space overtook me. The dogs had just gotten back from a long hike and were sleeping by the house. I decided to open the coop door and let the hens out to roam.
Fast forward about three hours, and I can’t find Marlee, my older retriever. He wasn’t one to run off, but he wasn’t in the house, and I couldn’t seem to locate him outside. So, I took a walk up the path to the garden and the chicken coop. And to my horror, there were chicken feathers everywhere, and Marlee was in the process of tearing one of the hens apart.
I was so upset with Marlee, but even more so with myself. While I knew that Marlee loved to chase birds, including chickens, I had honestly believed he was too tired to wander up to the front field.
What did I learn from this experience? First, don’t expect someone to behave differently from who they are hard-wired to be. Marlee is a retriever, and no matter how tired I thought he was, or how much I wanted him to be different, he is who he is.
Second, think twice before you decide to “save” someone, or something, from what you perceive to be a problem. Those hens might have been perfectly content in their little area, safe from all types of predators, and could have lived their lives peacefully. I wanted them to have more space because, if I’m honest, it made me feel better.
As hard as it is to admit, at the core of this entire decision was putting me and my desires at the center and not putting the hens first.
That coop is a painful reminder for me to make sure I’m looking at situations with a view to what is best for all parties, not just from my own perspective. Our perceptions can seem like realities, and it is important for us to question those perceptions to ensure we are seeing the true situation.
In a call with a client a few weeks ago, we were talking through a challenging employee situation. She just couldn’t understand why the employee was behaving irrationally, and she felt the best path was to have a conversation with this employee and explain where she perceived the logic to be missing. My response was that she was trying to have a logical conversation with an irrational person. That will never work. I suggested instead that she try to reflect on why the person was behaving that way. This doesn’t mean necessarily agreeing with the employee, but without understanding their perspective, you may not be equipped to move the situation toward resolution.
What about you? Are you slowing down enough to look at situations from a different angle, or are you relying on your perspective to be “the right one”? Or on a more personal level, are you trying to get someone in your life to be the person you want them to be rather than accepting who they are and appreciating their strengths?
If you find yourself in a difficult situation and could use a different perspective, please reach out to me. I’m confident a five-minute conversation could help you see the situation from a different angle and allow you to move toward a successful resolution while avoiding some potentially damaging collateral.